A Mix of This & That

I wish he could be here right now.

I wish he could be massaging my neck right now.

I wish I could curl up next to him on the couch.

I wish I could be falling asleep on his chest.

I wish he could be sleeping next to me.

I wish apparating were possible.

Every time we have a long conversation like we did tonight more of my heart ends up broken. He doesn’t know this but it does. More and more of my heart is chipped away all because of what he says. He’s being honest & that’s good but it just…it hurts. 

Day 21: What’s a common misconception people have about you?

That I’m an overachiever. While that might seem to be the case I wasn’t always this driven to do well in class. I did get good grades, A’s & B’s, but that all changed my sophomore semester of college. During that entire semester I was depressed, I didn’t go to class, I slept right through them,cried a lot, and stopped hanging out with those people I called my friends at the time. And a part of me was very conscious of the fact that I was screwing myself up grade wise but that other half of me didn’t give a fuck. When my midterms were released and I had D’s and F’s in all but two classes that didn’t phase me. It wasn’t until final grades were released and I had a 0.52 GPA that something snapped me out of it. The following semester I went to class every day, did all of my assignments, tests, and projects. I made the Dean’s List that semester. I made that list three more times after that semester. Ever since Fall of 07 I made a promise to myself that I would work damn hard to make up for that semester. I commuted every day from Spring of 2008 to the day I graduated in December 2010. A lot of people in my classes always whispered that I was an overachiever and didn’t understand why I always would be working hard instead of staying up on campus late with my friends. My friends know why and understood why most evenings as soon as class was over I’d head home and get started on my homework. That work ethic is still with me right now during my grad classes. I look at that ‘07 semester and where I am now and I’m quite proud of myself. But I’m really not an overachiever I’m just keeping a promise to myself.  

*I should add though that at point I was contemplating suicide. I remember looking out of my window from the fifth floor of my dorm thinking, It isn’t that far down. It took me thinking like that only three times before I realized something was seriously wrong with me. It wasn’t too long after that I snapped out of it. But when I think back to that semester it really scares me to remember that I was actually thinking like that. I was lucky that I snapped out of it because I’m not sure just what would have happened if I hadn’t. 

Day 30: Five things you can’t live without.

1. My family
2. My friends
3. Music
4. Books
5. A watch

Day 24: Five crushes you’ve had. (These will all be real life people & not celebrities).

1. Josh-first crush & in Kindergarten of all things!
2. Jeremiah-longest one.
3. Stephen
4. Jon
5. Jesse

The other thing is three of the five were musicians.  

If you’re curious as to why warm milk is so great it’s because it also has honey, cinnamon, and a small amount of vanilla added to it. This was suggested to me in January by him & every time I drink it it not only relaxes me but it makes me smile because I always think of him. 

The recipe:

• 1 cup of milk warmed on the stove 
• Honey as much as you like
• A few shakes of cinnamon
• 1 teaspoon of vanilla

Thanks again AR for this lovely suggestion. 

Day 15: Five things you can see around you right now.

1. My desk
2. My phone
3. My Vera Wang Princess perfume
4. My t-shirt from the zumbathon I participated in today. Which was totally awesome by the way!
5. My two textbooks for my Holocaust course that arrived today.

Day 13: Five phobias

1. Dead Birds-I know they can’t hurt me, but I will completely freak out if I come across one. I’ve scaled many of my friends’ backs in an attempt to get away.
2. Bridges or roads that lie too close to the water.
3. Heights-if you get me up high enough I will freak out.
4. Odd & dark clouds that sometimes follow storms. -_-;
5.  These towers will freak me out. I can’t explain it, but I panic every time. They can be shown on TV and my heart just starts speeding up. These types of towers are nearby a town that I sometimes go to shop. I will cross the bridge at the town above it and take the long way to get to the town just so I don’t have to drive by them. It’s an odd phobia I know & I can’t make sense of it. I have a feeling it might be because before I was one I lived in San Salvador & the people taking care of me lived in eyesight of the big volcano.

Day 10: Five hobbies.

1. Reading
2. Playing my clarinet
3. Writing fanfics
4. Making earrings
5. People watching

Day 7: Five favourite colours in order.

1. Deep sapphire blue
2. Emerald green
3. Apple red
4. Purple
5. Persimmon orange